A few months into motherhood, someone asked me, “What has been the hardest part of motherhood so far?”
I without hesitation blurted out, “remembering that I am someone’s wife, first.”
You have many names. All come with many facets and responsibilites, honors and trials. MAMA- I think it is the most life-altering one. These babes are all consuming, needy in the best ways. I love my baby to the moon and back x 19883 then doubled.
But I loved my husband first. And I need to keep loving him, first.
I love my husband. 2018 was thee most amazing year for us but also thee roughest on our marriage. We had this amazing son. Both fell in love with him (it’s adorable seeing your husband become a dad, huh?). You take that baby home and life gets hard. You go into a head-down, survival mode both just focused on figuring out how to manage life and keep that freshy alive. Then you start to count cookies. The I do this… this.. this.. what do you even do? (oh, just us?) But the issue is we are counting apples and oranges. You’re that baby’s mom. Your man is not that baby’s mom. He is his/her dad. They’re different. Yes, I believe in shared responsibility in raising these babes. But don’t let yourself go down the rabbit hole.. its ugly down there, I promise. It harbors resentment which leads to wall building.
The roles are so different. My husband isn’t my baby’s mom and will love him, serve him, take care of him differently than I will. And that is okay. It’s actually great. My son needs both.
I had to learn to let my husband do things and figure things out his way. (this helped when I work weekends and he had to figure it out. And guess what, my son survived)
Okay back to love…
It was pretty eye opening to me how much I love my son. That sounds stupid and maybe a little cliche but it blew my heart WIDE OPEN. I love him more than I ever knew I was capable of. Does my baby DO anything that makes me love him? I mean sure he smiles at means that melts me but he doesn’t DO or PERFORM or really give me anything other than the privilege of being his mom.
PURELY BECAUSE HE IS MINE, I LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONALLY.
Do I love my husband like that? Purely because he is mine… I love him without conditions, without limits.
For better or worse. In sickness and in health. Richer or poorer. Without conditions?
I am called to love my husband. Period. Whether or not he shares the load around the house. Whether or not he brings home flowers or takes me on dates or makes me feel like a princess or really does anything.
Unconditionally. This baby taught me what unconditional love actually looks like. I expect nothing from my baby in return. I want to love him purely because he is a piece of me. My husband and I are one so do I love him purely because he is a piece of me?
I want to.
I’m not always good at it, but I’m trying. Unconditional love and respect is the goal. Unconditional love forgives quickly, it keeps no records of wrong, it doesn’t demand its own way. I really want to love my husband like that.
Our marriage is a work in progress for sure. We’ve committed to making God a priority in our own lives, to making each other a priority, then our son. When things come into order…. Our family starts to function like it was meant to, with ease. When I’m known and loved by an almighty God, when my husband loves on me, it is icing on the cake.
Moving forward we are really trying to have open communication and conversation and have a shared goal that we want our marriage to be the best because we want that but also want that for our son. To grow up secure knowing that mama and dada love each other above all.
I think as moms we throw ourselves all into this motherhood thing, which is great, but maybe sometimes it’s all consuming and we forget that our hearts belong to the one who made us a Mrs. not a mama.
We want to rediscover the people down deep that were crazy about each other not people that drive each other crazy. Trying to laugh together and have fun because that’s one of our core favorite parts of this relationship.
SO… if you’ve found marriage after having a baby can be rough, me too girl, me too. BUT I believe we can be mothers and sisters and friends and WIVES that love with all we’ve got. We can be women that cherish our husbands and FIGHT FOR the marriages we want.
XO,
photography by @peoniesandpictures <3
